{31 for 21} Comparing.

I have two kids.  My 4.5 year old has Down syndrome.  My 2.5 week old does not.  And while I absolutely don't compare them for the sake of value, there's not doubt that a medically complex pregnancy and childbirth of a first child are drastically different from a medically mostly-straightforward pregnancy and scheduled c-section with a second child.

There were some major differences prior to their births.

Ellie: Monitoring at least monthly including high level ultrasounds, weekly doctor visits with my OB and MFM for non-stress tests in the last couple of months, becoming twice a week by the end.  A very painful CVS procedure to check out her chromosomes.  Fetal echocardiograms and intense scans and an ever-changing birth plan to accommodate each medical issue.  A billion and five ultrasound pictures.

Caroline: Doctor visits for a grand total of four ultrasounds.  One was an extra because I was bleeding.  (She obviously was fine.)  Another extra doctor visit for a blood draw because Verifi messed up her Down syndrome testing by sending her blood the long way to California in a snowstorm.  Birth plan consisted of "Go have a c-section."  Very few ultrasound pictures, some of which big sister accidentally smushed while grabbing them.

At birth, there were some more differences.

Ellie: 36 hours of induced labor followed by emergency c-section, me in a total daze, baby straight to NICU and then transferred to Children's hospital.  Husband went with baby.  I recovered at the hospital where I delivered.  No new baby classes because I would get info in NICU.  Baby had surgery right away and couldn't eat for two weeks.

Caroline: Walked to OR for c-section, where I had a panic attack.  Baby roomed in with us.  I did a lot of throwing up.  Baby nursed right away.

Ellie, about 2 months old.

At home, there are differences:

Ellie: Started nursing at 8 weeks.  Nursed her quietly on the couch where she could be peaceful.  By the time Ellie came home I was mostly recovered from c-section.  Billions of photos.

Caroline: Wherever I nurse her, Ellie is going to show up and get in her face with kisses.  I came home in major pain and unable to lift carseat or preschooler.  Have my own photography business with exactly three pictures of Caroline and some bad iPhone photos of her.

Caroline, about a week old.

And similarities:

Both my daughters: Prefer to sleep while being held.  Eat like it's their last meal ever.  Look alike.  Make me wonder why we bought that expensive crib since it seems to be reserved for stuffed animals.  Make my life better.  Make me laugh.  Make the same faces.  Wear me out.  Don't have completed baby books (although I started one for Ellie).  Were small babies (Ellie, 20 inches, 6 lbs. 10 oz.  Caroline, 19 inches, 6 lbs. 13 oz.)

{31 for 21} Low Expectations.

Every October, a group of bloggers commits to writing 31 blog posts about Down syndrome.

I've faithfully participated for four years.

Now, you might gather from the title of this post that it's about people placing low expectations on my daughter, but that's not true.

Have low expectations of this mom with a newborn.  I'll do my best.  I might not write 31 posts.  I've

Now, onto today's post.

When I counsel pregnant moms with a Down syndrome diagnosis, they often ask if their new baby will look like their other kids.  Only having had one kid (with Down syndrome) until last week, I never had personal answers to give.

Enter baby Caroline, my typically developing newborn.

Brand new Ellie on the left.  Brand new Caroline on the right.

I'd say they look alike.

Photo credit: Whoever was in the OR when I gave birth.  Possibly my husband?  Possibly the nurse?

I just showed Ellie the pictures and she couldn't tell who is who.  Although she's seen the baby picture of herself many, many times, she pointed to Caroline and said, "That one is me."

I guess I should make sure my printed photos are well organized and labeled.

Photo Evidence: Sisters

I got out my real camera.  Finally.

Meaning I took three snapshots and one actual posed photo.  I promise, more soon.  I promise.

Big Sister.

We welcomed new baby Caroline Grace on Monday afternoon.  19 inches long, 6 pounds, 13 inches.

Meeting baby sister (video). My heart is full.

A video posted by Megan Landmeier (@meganlando) on Sep 22, 2015 at 12:33pm PDT

Ellie is fascinated by baby sister.  I'll admit, this birth experience was different and in some ways harder (is that even possible?) than when Ellie was born.  With Ellie, there were a lot of unknowns, including the surprise c-section.  I didn't have much time to anticipate, and since I was on oxygen already when I was told I'd be going in for surgery, the anxiety didn't hit until after everything was over.

A photo posted by Megan Landmeier (@meganlando) on Sep 23, 2015 at 1:40pm PDT

With Caroline, I walked to the operating room.  And was in no pain prior to the epidural.  I'd been pretty nervous about the epidural (it took me a good 24 hours to ask for one with Ellie) and I maybe freaked out a little.  Matt couldn't be there while they put it in, I maybe cried, and my doctor literally held my head in his hands and told me it would be okay.

So more pain and more nervousness (aka full on anxiety attack) during the c-section, but with the end result of a healthy baby girl.

I hate the phrase, "As long as the baby is healthy."  I'll love her even if she's not.  Ellie wasn't healthy and we couldn't be more thrilled with her.

But I'll admit, a healthy baby is easier.

A photo posted by Megan Landmeier (@meganlando) on Sep 25, 2015 at 5:54am PDT

I spent a few days in the hospital recovering, and Ellie came over one day to see baby Caroline.  My mom is a saint who took care of everything at my house while Matt stayed with Caroline and me.  (And by everything, that includes getting a very enthusiastic and slightly confused about where Mommy and Daddy went preschooler ready for school every day, packing her lunch, all of that good stuff.)

A photo posted by Megan Landmeier (@meganlando) on Sep 24, 2015 at 1:07pm PDT

I'm back home now, and still recovering.  I haven't taken many photos and I realized that my camera is upstairs (I'm typing this from the basement) so you get only cell phone photos until I have the energy to go upstairs, retrieve the camera and get some editing done.

I will continue updates soon.  We are good, just tired - I'd forgotten what newborn is like!

Ellie's Welcome Story, Continued

Technically, I believe I finished telling her "birth story," but Labor & Delivery was of course only the very beginning.  Ellie was transferred to Children's Hospital on Friday night.  I was given the chance to see her in my painkillered-coming-down-from-anesthesia-exhausted-scared-for-her state.  Oh, and I'd been puking.  She's a week old now, and I do not remember that time beyond a tiny arm in what looked like a spaceship, and not being able to see her while my sweet husband signed consent forms for her travel.  The team was very kind.  That's all I've got there.  Since it was so late at night and my husband went with Ellie, my mom spent the night in my room.  I woke up Saturday morning and received several updates from Matt throughout the day.  Meanwhile, I worked hard to keep food and pain meds down, stand up, etc., so I could bust out of the hospital.  The sign in the room said expected release of Monday or Tuesday.  Riiiggght.  When the on-call doctor came in, she said to me immediately that she knew my daughter was at Children's and that she intended to get me out early.  I could have hugged her!  (Oh, except that I couldn't move.) 

On Friday night/Saturday, doctors confirmed Ellie's heart condition, confirmed her double bubble (stomach blockage), and also did all of the initial intake.  Surgery was late on Saturday afternoon.  Although my mom was at the airport already, I had several friends come over on Saturday, and my dear friend Sherri stayed with me throughout the surgery until Ellie was in recovery.  We didn't know what time Ellie would be in surgery, but I am eternally grateful for Sherri's presence that day and chalk it up to divine intervention on the timing.

Along with correcting the duodenal atresia, Ellie also had a malrotation of the intestines.  (OK, so I think that's what it's called.  Her intestines are in the wrong spot.)  I guess this can happen, but most people who have the condition don't know until they have an "acute event."  I'm not sure how acute "acute" is, but Ellie will not have an event, because the surgeons did something to make her backward or out of place intestines work.  And if you want the real medical version of that, sorry, you have to ask someone who wasn't on a combination of painkillers and no sleep when she listened to the surgical report.  Anyway, the surgery was a success.  As for my surgery and recovery, I was released from the hospital on Sunday, around 48 hours after delivering Ellie.  If anyone is looking for an OB recommendation, let me know, I will be thrilled to recommend my doctors.  They kept my concerns about Ellie in mind and provided healing time needed, but also got me out quickly.

Ellie is recovering nicely, but there have been bumps along the road.  The PICC line migrated a bit, causing an arrhythmia that took most of Wednesday to identify, locate the cause of, and correct.  The fix was easy, but Ellie had a rough day with being poked and prodded.  She is not yet eating, and is fed via IV fluids and lipids until her GI function returns (or begins) following the surgery.  She also has met with some huge successes.  I never thought I'd care so much about poop, but first poop is a big sign of progress with these surgeries.  We got poop on Tuesday, despite the fact that we knew it could take a week or more.  We are learning to be patient, because this was great progress, but doesn't mean she can dive right in and chow down on BBQ chicken just yet.  She also was off the ventilator before I even arrived at Children's on Sunday.

Our little girl is fighting her way through recovery.  The internet at the hospital isn't great, so I can only update from home.  Yesterday I was at the hospital from 7 am until 10 pm, so today I have a ride and will arrive closer to 10 am and stay later.  Ellie has entertained several visitors thus far, and her daddy and I are so grateful for them, for the friends bringing us dinner and groceries, and for the emails, facebooks, and words of encouragement.

(See that line in her nose?  See that hand near the line?  The line won't hurt if she pulls it out, but it'll hurt a lot to get back in!  Careful, Ellie!)

"Fridays Child is Loving and Giving"

On Wednesday night, Matt and I ate dinner, napped, and then loaded up the car to head to the hospital to begin the process of having Ellie.  I got gelled and pricked, and we attempted to sleep: Matt on a less than comfy couch, me with an IV in my arm.  (At least I got some Ambien!)  I've never been so anxious or restless.  The nurse was a friend of a friend, which helped immensely.  I made her hide my IV from me under gauze!  I hate needles, and there may have been a few tears involved.  Maybe.

Thursday morning, I had the best nurse in the universe.  She will be getting a thank you note!  A full day of Pitocin, and NO BABY.  No dilation.  Unfortunately, once, when poor Matt was trying to get out of the room to eat something, Ellie's heart rate dropped and I was put on oxygen.  She recovered quickly, although I think her poor Daddy's heart rate never will recover.  By the end of Thursday, the doctors decided to do another round of the gel.  I was given more Ambien, and we went to semi-sleep again.  Sorry to my cousin, she did NOT get to share Ellie's birthday!

Friday morning dawned.  Come on, baby!  I'd had a full day of contractions and I was ready to meet this little girl.  Best nurse in the universe was back.  My doctor broke my water.  I had contractions.  Ellie had another little incident with her heart, so I was put on full bed rest, and given an epidural.  With her next heart incident, the doctors decided that since I still wasn't dilated (despite the now two days of contractions) we'd be going in for a c-section.

Amazing things:
* The anesthesiologist RN has a brother with DS.  She asked to be with us.  She also runs marathons.  I got distracting conversation and compassion and love for Ellie all in one!
* Our families and friends were there when I got out of the surgery!

And the best of all:
* Eleanor Claire came out kicking and screaming, 6 lbs 10 oz, with tons of muscle movement and unwilling to be swaddled.  She was placed on my chest until I was sewn up.  Her Apgar scores were 8 and 9.  She is beautiful, and I'm not just saying that because she's mine!

Ellie was baptized on Friday night and then sent to Children's for surgery, where Matt joined her.  I'll share that portion of the story later, as we're getting ready to go hang out with her now!  She is continuing to be a fighter and a diva!

(Sleeping beauty)

(Free hugs)

Much more to come, but for now, enjoy!